A letter to my son,
Dear little sweet one, a letter to my son,
On Friday, January 4th 2019 at 6:27 pm you were welcomed into this world. Just a few seconds later, you were placed on my chest and I looked into your incredibly tiny pink face and sobbed. I finally met you after 9 months of growing you, praying over you, singing to you, imagining what you would look like, and trying to eat the right foods to nourish you. You were actually here. And in my arms.
Today We Celebrated You
It was a year ago today, I learned what it meant to fall deeply in love at first sight.
There have been times this past year where I wished I could freeze the clocks to be with you in a moment forever, like when you’re nursing and I’m watching you fall asleep safely in my arms or when you’re laughing from mommy’s tickle attacks. Or when you learned how to smile, a day I will never forget because you looked at me and smiled for the very first time. The day you started to coo and babble. Your first bath. I was nervous, you were so small and slippery. Yet you were completely relaxed and looked up at me with your beautiful brown trusting eyes.
We Learned This Year
You learned to communicate your wants and needs to me, we were in sync. You learned to hold yourself up, first your head then your body. You learned to crawl, backwards at first. You learned to feed yourself real food and drink from a cup. You never took a bottle. You learned to love music and clap and sing. You learned how to say dada, bye bye, tree, light, shoe, sock, feet, and brush teeth. You learned to walk and catch yourself when you fell. You learned to make friends.
I learned a few things as well. I learned I wasn’t going to have a baby forever. I learned to appreciate the simple things, like showering every day, getting enough sleep, and eating 3 times a day. I learned being a perfect mom meant being a present mom.
I was exhausted and at times, I needed help. But never help with you. I needed a meal prepared or the laundry washed or the groceries brought upstairs. Yet the help people offered was to take you away. I did not know how to communicate that they were offering the very least help possible. I never wanted to leave your side. I never wanted to miss a magical moment with you. You were growing so fast right before my eyes and I knew I would never get those missed moments back.
I Won’t Forget
We’ve done so much together already. Hundreds of hours of breastfeeding, hundreds of hours of playing, laughing, dancing and singing. We survived too many to count long sleepless nights, your first cold, milk-supply drops, bad days and mistakes. We traveled. You fell in love with the beach and the ocean. You experienced your first holidays and I got to witness your reaction to every one. And above all, Christmas was your favorite.
For all the things we’ve learned and done, the best part has been doing it all together. You and I. This past year is a year I will forever cherish and hold close to my heart. Who I am today is because of you. You challenge me to become my best possible self every single day.
Baby boy, in this letter firstly, I promise to love you unconditionally all the days of my life. Secondly, I promise to always be here to support you. Thirdly, I promise to accept you for who you are. Fourthly, I promise to raise you in a home that serves the Lord. Fifthly, I promise to pray for you and watch as God pours his blessings over you. Sixthly, I promise to continually work on healing myself to be better for you. And most importantly, I promise to always give you my best.
In this letter to my son, I wish him the Happiest First Birthday. We have so much to celebrate and celebrating you is my biggest honor. I love you.
Forever and always,